Was browsing through people's blog as usual to update myself about them and their lives and came across karen's blog where she mentioned about bloggin helping her discover and pen down thoughts of her innerself which she may not be able to readily share and communicate with friends.

well i've realised what a blog can do to a person since years ago when i started blogging i guess. i've always been a person who thinks quite alot, develop my own set of thinking/philosophies of life, perspectives and stuff. blogging help me record, recollect, and think. sometimes wad results from my thoughts get penned down. sometimes not. what you may feel at a spur of a moment, u dun necessarily tell others because the 'timing' of it has yet to arise for that particular topic to be talked about whereas with a blog, u can write about it as and when u like. of course, this work vice versa and because of blogs, i've gotten the key to knowing my friends on a deeper level as i read up on wad they've written. communication like i've once discussed with iman can come in various forms. it doesnt necessarily have to be face-to-face, phone conversation, or letters. we communicate in many ways. things we do, way we behave, even when u blog, u r communicating. u gave the key for others to get to know u better as they monitor you on a basis so frequent yet so silently you'll be surprised at the result of it.

i realised i havent been writing much about my inner thoughts here for a very long time.

well i guess i'm at a crossroad in my life where i have to make many decisions for several aspects of my life that's more than often a splitting headache.

wad i've been through, learnt, felt, hurt, gained, and lost. for the past few months it has probably been a time where i've ever been able to feel and experience so much in such a short span of time. i've changed, in many ways. i'm glad for alot of things. i realised, that at the age i'm at, at where i am at, i've found myself. i'm comfortable with my personality cos i've found myself and understand myself and during our teenage years, we journey through our lives trying to find ourselves, experimenting and stuff.. making friends, losing friends, trying to find out wad really suits us. i've gathered around me a number of friends whom i love dearly and these people will be with me for life. they are different and unique in their own way and in many ways, they are the rare ones amongst the general population bcos they hv their own unique characteristics and bcos of them, i've learnt and been influenced and developed into what i am now. each of them played a very important role in influencing me in my life in various aspects and most importantly, they are down to earth.

friends come and go. those that really suits you stay with you for life.

dun ever take things for granted. especially the supports you get from your friends. they give it to you, doesnt mean you can exploit it. altho to a certain extent when u really just require u're friends to be more tolerant and bear with you, it's ok. but i've learnt and know and practice, is that dun ever take it as if bcos they are your friends, it's expected of them to provide you the support and when wad they say or do dun seem to please u all too well and during ur spur of emotional fit, throw it back into their face and worse, dun realise it or do something about it. i've seen too much of these and is not very tolerant towards such things. i myself try to very hard to refrain from being so. when i do, i apologise soon after.

one thing i've learnt. dun take things too hard. i dun mean to not take it seriously. i mean dun allow it to topple ur balance. i've been thro it and understand the importance of that. faith. wad is faith? wad gd is it in keeping faith? will keeping faith and perservering till the end of time bring you what you want? do we give up and curse and lose faith in everything when what we want don't come to us? how do we balance ourselves? does faith equates to being naive sometimes? i guess i've learnt to be optimisstic about things. sometimes what we decide or do in life, may not be the right decision over the long run and we'll grow to regret it. how to avoid it? how to know? will those around us be patient enough to wait for us to learn? shouldn't we do something about it ourselves? do we expect others to wait for us? or think that it's ok for them to give up on us cos we'll bear the consequences. when we say such things, do we truly realise the impact of the regret if let's say it comes along one fine day? being a nice/obliging person sometimes u get bullied/taken for granted/do things that makes bend ur pride to the max/be silly. it's just a thin line between the difference of what u've decided to do to based on a conscious awareness or subconscious drive. sometimes it's just so difficult to know what should be done.

the gap between being aware to realising to understanding to accepting and last, to adopting it.

we're still young. the big picture is Life itself. however we tend to get caught up in the events that happened in our lives to make us sink into a state of despair. i'm learning still and have alot to learn. to be able to feel emotions and go through these events, whether it brings u joy, or sadness, it's a blessing as it will leave a mark in ur life and a chapter discovered in growth.

i'm sleepy. shall stop here. gd nite.

feb 11, friday. 12:03AM